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Speak Again, Bright Angel

"Uz tht?" asked Chz.

"U?" replied his best mate Dv.

"Uvr thr wth t rd hr," Chz pointed at the girl.

Her hair was scarlet, and she stood out from her three friends like a beacon. Chz stirred in her direction.

"U wnt t scr wth a * chk?" The words appeared across the inside of Chz's phone glasses. The dual screens in front of his eyes displayed his friend's taunting. Yes I do, but not in the way you do, Dv. Dv wanted to take and conquer one of the girls at this concert, Chz wanted to get to know the redhead better, more intimately, she was special.

"Cm n thn."

Chz looked at Dv. His friend was in the mood for mischief. It was why they got on so well. Neither of them played by the rules. Their very presence at this gig would, if discovered by one of the heavy * police who patrolled in their stylish black uniforms, lead to imprisonment or loss of credit. Not that they were bothered by the latter.

"Nt nw," Chz replied as a pair of heavy * security men walked round the back of the concert hall. "Wt tll ftr t cncrt."

Their discussion was broken by the hall lights going out and a flash from the stage. Pyros exploded and ripped the air apart. Fifteen thousand teenagers screamed and cheered as the headline act flew over them and hovered ten feet above the stage, their jet boots keeping their choreography taut. With the security teams momentarily distracted, Chz and Dv darted over to the back of the crowd. The speakers around the auditorium announced the main band's arrival while the message was displayed on giant screens behind the stage.

"L t wy frm Bjng n Chn, nmbr wn bnd v 2103, pls wlcm, Ni Hao Ma!"

The two boys smirked. It was always funny, and a bit rude, when non-Txt Nglsh was written or spoken. It only ever happened in Chinese now, since other forms of language had been outlawed by the two major communication corporations, * and #, fifty years ago. Only China had refused to co-operate, but slowly they were integrating and it was just a question of which of * or # would woo the Chinese government. Or buy it.

The two boys and girls over the stage moved and grooved along, enticing their crowd, while behind them images of clothes flashed up on the screens. Neither Dv or Chz were bothered about seeing the band, they both got off on the illegality of it - the * guards would enjoy giving them a good beating, unless of course they asked to switch contracts. But in all their thirteen years, neither boy had heard of a # defecting to * or vice versa. They were born # and would die that way.

But the concert rocked, Dv and Chz jumping around at the back of the crowd so as not to draw attention to themselves. And after an hour, with the sweat of fifteen thousand teenagers dripping around them, they slunk off back into the shadows.

There she was again. Chz saw her red hair, bright and glistening among the queue to leave. Something was luring him towards her. She joked with her friends, the way she threw her head back when she laughed, her blue eyes shining under the red crest. Dv and Chz stayed within the crowd where the * sensors couldn't pick them up, but outside the hall they decided to follow the girls, even though they were going further into the * district and their # signal would be lost. They'd have to switch off their phone glasses as using them would alert the * authorities of their position. And that was the last thing they needed.

Adverts flashed on bus shelter walls for * products as teenagers walked past - clothes, make-up, music, magazines, TV shows. Chz and Dv kept * people in front of them and their heads down so that the microchips in their foreheads couldn't be read, and the boys adjusted their baseball caps to make sure. In between the adverts were messages. 'Bwr t #', '# wl mss wth yr hd' and 'Dnt blv t #'. Dv and Chz smiled at each other, it was just the same in the # area.

She kissed goodbye to her friends and the two boys watched her unlock her door and go in. That, Dv thought, was that.

"Cm n," he said, "Lts g hm, ts nrly mdnt, yr prnts wll b hm sn."

"U g, m gng t hng rnd hr bt," Chz replied. He glanced at the girl's flat as a light went on.

"Y?" Dv asked. "Lts g, thrs nthng hr."

Chz sent a thought out but his glasses were off so the sensors picked nothing up. But he needn't have bothered, his friend read his body language and got the message. Chz would be discreet, he'd see him tomorrow at school. Dv knew there was no point in arguing.

Chz watched his friend dodging in and out of the lights, keeping out of the way of ad sensors that would identify him as #. He didn't want the beating, the embarrassment and humiliation, or spend the next week deleting unwanted adverts for useless product and messages of abuse from his inbox, a favourite trick of both corporations. Twenty years ago they may have tried to convert him, but now each side was content with improving their service before attacking the emerging Chinese market.

Chz turned his attention back to the girl's house. There was no point in scaling the rear wall to the garden, but maybe he could climb a tree and see over. He turned his back to the high wall to see which of the trees that faced him would do. Before he had a chance to climb he was grabbed from behind.

One arm was wrenched behind his back so tight he wanted to scream, but a hand was thrust over his mouth. His captor pushed him forward but held him tight. They walked along the length of the road, weaving in and out of the sensors. Whoever had hold of him knew he was #. They turned right at the end of the road and up a hill, and left down an avenue, all the time Chz could feel the breath of whoever held him in his ear.

He felt there was only one captor, he couldn't hear any other footsteps than his own and the person who held him. At least it wasn't a * gang. The only thing worse than that was a paedo. If late-night # flashes on TV were to be believed, * men were more often than not filthy men with bulging eyes and dirty fingernails, their hands wandering over defenceless kids. Chz had never believed it up until now, but the fear got to him. 'Ts nt tr, ts a ly. Pls sy ts a ly.'

He sniffed a breath through the fingers. They weren't coarse or gnarled. The two of them moved in tandem until they reached the end of the avenue. Ahead of them was a gate, flanked by high walls. It was stiff, but Chz's bodyweight forced the gate open as he was bundled through it. He was shoved on into the darkness, far enough to be invisible from the avenue, and then pushed to the floor. He turned around, at least he wanted to see his attacker before he was done in.

"Ur u?" she asked.

It was her. She stood silhouetted by the full moon, and Chz didn't know whether to stand up and fight her or lie there and talk. For now, he'd use his tongue.

"Chz. M #"

"Drr! Knw tht!"

"Ur u?" he ventured.

"Chl. Wt u wnt rnd hr?"

"Nthn."

"Lr!" she gave him a sharp kick in the leg. Chz gulped at air and screwed his eyes up. He'd better start telling the truth.

Chl continued, "Ur rnd hr lds. Y?"

"Hw dyu knw?" he asked.

"Drr! V wtchd u, u n yr frnd."

"# z brng. Dnt blv thr lyz bt *. Xctng jst bng hr."

It was a confession, but it was also a proposal. It was a thrill to be in the opposing corporation's camp and to get away with it. Throw in a feisty beauty like this one and it couldn't get much better. Well, only one way.

"Come with me."

That was it. She swore! She was filthy, corrupt. She used vowels. That was very sexy.

Chl walked through the park, the moonlight her only torch, and a burning Chz followed. He didn't speak, though he wanted to use non-text words like she had. Half of him was scared that someone might hear them and report them to the authorities. Corporate law banned the use of non-text words apart from Chinese. Both of them could be in big trouble. And the other half of him wanted trouble.

Chl led him into a disused cottage, standing by itself in the park. It must've been a game keeper's cottage, Chz thought, or a forester's hut, but it hadn't seen life for decades. It was all walls and rubble, crumbling paint and dirty plaster. He followed her through the derelict front doorway and into a room without a roof.

Kneeling on the floor, Chl heaved up a metal trunk.

"Help me with this."

Chz just stood and giggled, uncontrollably, nervously. Chl dropped the case in the floorboards where she found it. She rolled her eyes. Little kid, look at him. Still, she'd been shocked the first time she'd heard the sound of vowels. And the first time she'd used them she was almost sick - the stretching of her larynx, lips, jaw, tongue; the gush of wind entering her body and hitting her diaphragm; the thoughts of rebellion and relief as she recovered.

She'd give him five minutes.

Chz held his sides and gasped for air. His stomach was aching, his eyes leaked and however much he wished for this embarrassment to end, only by turning away from Chl could he gain control. That done, he knelt down and grabbed a handle and pulled.

He was glad he had both hands free, because he wanted so much to stroke her. He knew he had to resist, she would probably slap him down if he tried it on with her, or call for * guards when they got back out.

Chl opened the trunk so the top obscured Chz's view, not that he could see much in the darkness. She slowly and lovingly took out what looked like a brick. Chz flinched.

"Slryt, wnt hrt u," she reassured him, and doubly so by returning to Txt Nglsh.

"Wt z t?" he whispered.

"Dctch." Carefully, she passed him the object as if it was new-born.

Chz held it up in the moonlight and traced his finger over the words on the cover.

"Ox - fo - rd En - gl - ish..." Chz yawned as the increase in oxygen hit his brain. The vowels were starting to have an effect.

Chl saw the tell-tale signs and snatched the book back.

"Thts nf. U wnt mr cm bck tmrw."

Chz smiled. This was heaven. Oh yes, he'd be back.

*#*#*#*

He met her again the next day. She opened the book up and showed him the word 'hash' which was where he was from but he couldn't get his head around 'asterisk' so she tried 'star' instead, which was far more successful, although the long vowel of the 'ar' sound made him retch a couple of times as his windpipe opened.

Then 'moon' as she looked around for inspiration. Chz tasted the words on his lips, pursed them making a kissing shape and looked into her eyes as he said it. And 'sky', they said it together, throwing it back at each other then holding it between them, looking up at the heavens. Then 'tree', 'house', 'grass', 'bad', 'joy', 'girl' and 'boy'.

The days dragged but the nights fled past. Every evening they'd return and she would teach him expanded words and how to say them. They were opening up everything to each other. Then one night, as Chl was teaching Chz the word 'autumn', he asked a question.

"Why did you choose me?"

She looked down, took the dictionary and returned it to the trunk, closed the lid and sat on it. Chz had still never looked inside.

"I don't know. You looked interesting. You must have been interested too, otherwise you wouldn't have risked coming into asterisk territory."

"I might just have wanted to make trouble."

She shook her head.

"No, not you. I could tell at the concert. There's something different about you. Your friend, he was the destructive type..."

"Dv's alright."

"... but he only comes in to asterisk territory for the buzz, the thrill. You want more. You want to build, to create, to experience life's possibilities. You do, don't you?"

"Yes, of course."

"Tell me then. Use your big words and tell me what you want from life."

Chz turned his back on her. He'd always had thoughts and ideas in his head but never the words to express them. Or anyone to tell them to. He looked up at the sky and its crescent and imagined himself away. His eyes closed.

"I want more. Not more facts, or more useless information. But I want to go further, deeper, higher. I want to lie among the stars," he whispered. "I want my heart to shine like summer."

She allowed herself a sad, sweet smile. At this moment there was only the two of them, alone and standing outside of time and space.

"And me. What do you want from me, Chz?"

He turned round and looked straight in her eyes. Even in the darkness they could see each other clearly, and Chz moved forwards slowly to be in her space. He put a hand up to her face and held her cheek in his palm, not daring to breathe in case it cracked the moment. Then he whispered to her,

"I want to stroke your hair."

She leant forward and gave herself up to the moment. As their bodies merged, he finely let his fingers venture into her scarlet curls.

*#*#*#*

"Yr n fn n mr," said Dv as he and Chz walked out of the school at the end of the day, their heads crammed with more facts and figures, dates and quotes.

"Wts yr prblm?" Chz snapped back. Dv had been giving him grief for the past week or so.

"Jst dnt knw f wr frnds. U sm nt 2 cr. Ur 2 bsy l v t tm."

"Wl m bsy, gv m a brk wl u?" Chz replied.

"Wt r u dng thn? Y u s scrtv?" Dv stared him in the face.

It wasn't a lie. Chz was being secretive, but he couldn't risk jeopardising his new friendship with Chl or his illegal practice. As soon as one knew, everyone would.

"M nt bng scrtv. Lk, wl d smthng ths wknd."

"St yrslf."

Dv put his baseball cap on his head and scooted off.

It was already getting dark, so Chz made his way to the park, his glasses turned off and woolly hat on head. Chl was waiting for him.

"Sit down, read this with me."

She was sat on the case, not holding the dictionary for once. Instead she held sheets of paper. Chz looked at them, the paper would crumble if treated roughly, so he took them delicately to read them.

"Pick one you like," Chl smiled a tired smile.

Chz flicked through the sheets but stuck with the top one.

"Wise men say only fools rush in..."

Chz let the words fill his whole body, and the delivery of the next line became a sensuous experience. Every word he held in his mouth, feeling the motion of his lips, his teeth, the tip of his tongue, searching Chl out and sending the phrase deep inside her. Slowly, teasingly, he followed,

"... but I can't help... falling... in love... with... you."

She didn't let him touch her then, and he was quite happy to play the game.

Chl took the papers and picked a phrase. Her tone was desperate, almost animal.

"We're caught in a trap..."

Chz's eyes bore deep inside her.

"There's no way out..."

He took her hands.

"Because I love you too much, baby."

She flicked through the sheets and giggled as she found something.

"When no-one else can understand me,

When everything I do is wrong,

You give me love and consolation,

You give me hope to carry on.

And you're always there to lend a hand in everything I do

That's the wonder, the wonder of you."

Chz took the words from her and read from the same page.

"And when you smile the world is brighter,

You touch my hand and I'm a king,

Your love for me is worth a fortune,

Your love for me is everything.

I guess I'll never know the reason why

You love me as you do,

That's the wonder, the wonder of you."

*#*#*#*

"Wt w dn thn?" Dv asked.

Chz shifted around. He'd got a bit of money and fancied some virtual aggression.

"Rcd."

The silver and red palace was noisier outside than in. The windows were covered in video screens with action from the latest games and there were many of them. Chz recognised some of the older kids who were hanging around there too. Brn Hll, he was renowned for being the only kid on the block to reach the final stage of Dth Fsh 3, an aquatic game set in the South Pacific. With him was Grg Lttlejhn, who was a bit of a billy-whizz and could play chss, bckgmmn and drfts all at the same time, though the word on the street was that he'd hacked in and reprogrammed the computer.

Dv and Chz grunted at them as they passed, entered the games room and headed straight for Mngl Mbsh, a fully-padded, sensor-suit, contact and dirty weaponry game. As they were suiting up, the two boys sniffed at the weedy kids near them who were still struggling with Tmb Rdr Cntnry.

Dv and Chz touched gloves before pulling down their 3-D visors and entering the barren virtual Chinese landscape, where they took on Mongolian separatists, drug lords, * army battalions and each other.

Dv chose his character - a # tank commander, and Chz signed on as a # marine. They sorted their weaponry and defence mechanisms then, when both were ready, waved their hands over the virtual play button and pressed.

Dv was an expert at this game. He drove his tank with speed and skill, cutting in and out of Mongol firepower and returning it with accurate strikes. He was soon racking up the points.

Chz could also play this game well, but today he was slow, out of practice. He'd preferred to go for the hands-on and close-weapon combat with drugs gangs and * spies. The electric shock treatment he received from the suit was worse than usual, he'd be bruised tomorrow.

A drugs den was blown away in front of him, and Chz turned round to see Dv's tank backing him up. Chz ran forward and took care of the injured guards and the evil-looking kingpin who was running to a helicopter to make his escape. He and Dv made a good team.

He waited for the tank to catch up with him, then clambered aboard, holding tight to the turret. Seconds later, Dv's head appeared through the opened hatch, smiling broadly.

The tank jolted as it sped up. Chz looked ahead, a ravine appeared as only they do in computer games. Dv would have to slow down soon or do a swift 90 degree turn. But instead he continued to accelerate. Chz looked back at him, Dv laughed manically, as if to prove a point.

"Slw dwn," Chz texted to him.

Dv looked him in the eye. He didn't like being ignored, forgotten, rejected.

Chz held on for dear life. The suit wouldn't kill him if he fell, but he'd certainly get a beating from the electrodes if he did. Thee was only one thing for it.

He punched Dv.

Not hard, but enough to let him know he was out of order. Dv looked even more determined. He started zig-zagging the tank, hoping to throw Chz off. Chz's fingers tightened around the handle on the side of the animated tank, and the suit responded with equal pressure. Then Dv threw in the ace he was holding.

He sent the tank's turret on a quick 360 degree spin, knocking Chz off. Just as he was about to hit the ground and get a thumping electric shock, Chz ripped off the visor, ending his participation in the game. Dv followed suit.

"Gm vr, Chz. R shld sy 'loser'?"

"What did you think you were doing, you cheating scum bucket?"

Everyone heard it. Not just the anger and the betrayal. Dv wasn't worried that his best mate had turned on him without seeing the joke from his point of view.

The kids on Tmb Rdr next to them froze. They looked at Chz as though he'd deleted a holy document, then turned and ran.

Chz was red and sweating. He took in Dv's look. Disappointment, shock, admiration. And a question. Why wasn't this with me? I wondered what you'd been up to for the past couple of months. You've committed the ultimate act of rebellion, but you left me out.

"Cnt hlp u, Chz. Wldv, bt u trned yr bck n m. Ud btr g."

Chz panicked. He got out of the suit, Dv even helping him as he struggled with the legs. A last pitiful look between them, and then he ran. Even before he'd left the building the alarms were flashing around him. The two little kids must've set them off, there were big credit rewards for identifying or capturing traitors or * spies.

Chz grabbed a flowerpot as he ran past a garden and took a handful of earth, plastering it over his forehead to cover the chip and block the signal. He ran on and on, down back streets and through old peoples' gardens. The alarms were becoming more distant. He'd frustrated the chip before he'd been identified. And Dv hadn't given him away.

There was only one place he was heading. Chl had shown him a number of entrances to the park, and he took the most direct one from the # district. He reached the park gates and slowed his journey to the cottage.

Just in time to watch Chl lose consciousness.

"No!" he screamed involuntarily.

Chz rushed over to Chl who was lying on the ground, next to the trunk. In one hand was a can of drink, in the other a book, her thumb marking a page. A half-empty bottle of pills was lying discarded next to her, mirroring her state.

"What have you done?" cried Chz. "What have you done? Don't leave me! You can't leave me! Please, Michelle, please!"

His voice rose and rose and now he didn't care who heard him. He held her head in his hands and buried his sobbing face in her gorgeous red hair. But now its radiance was dimming.

After some time had passed, silent, unbelievable time, Chz picked up the book. Michelle had underlined two lines:

"Being in night, all this is but a dream
Too flattering-sweet to be substantial."

Chz put the book down and left Michelle's head to rest upon it. He kissed her one last time and, wiping the mud from his forehead and switching on his glasses, Charles started to walk straight into the heart of the * district.

copyright 2003 Declan Hill



Yes, it's me in the middle receiving my runner's-up prize for Speak Again, Bright Angel in the London Writers Competition award ceremony at the Roehamton Institute, November 2003.